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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that."
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
I can hardly contain myself.
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Why did the sun go to school?
To get brighter!
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Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
I said, "Are you two an item?"
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Why did the calendar write its will?
Its days were numbered.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
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