I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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