I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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