Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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