Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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