Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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