Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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