What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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