What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.

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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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