What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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