What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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