What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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