What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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