What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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