How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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