Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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