What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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