I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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