How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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