Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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