What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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