Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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