A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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