What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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