How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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