Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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