I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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