What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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