My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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