How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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