I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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