What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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