What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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