I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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