What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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