Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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