Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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