What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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