I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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