Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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