How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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