What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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