How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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