How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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