What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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