Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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