A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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