What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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