What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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