So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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