I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.

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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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