I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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