I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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