I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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