A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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