A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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