A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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