A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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