A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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