A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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