A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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