A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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