A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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