A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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