A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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