A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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