A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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