A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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