A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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