A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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