A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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