A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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