A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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