A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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