A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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