A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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