A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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