A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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