A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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