A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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