A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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