A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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