A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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