A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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