A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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