A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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