A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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