A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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