A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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