A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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