A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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