A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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