A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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