A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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