A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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