A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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