A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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