A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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