A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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