A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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