A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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