A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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