A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board

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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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