A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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