A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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