A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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