A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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