A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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