A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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