A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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