A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"



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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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