A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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