A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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