A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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