A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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