A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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