A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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