A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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