A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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