A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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