A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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