A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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