A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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