A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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