A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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