A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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