A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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