A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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