A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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