A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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