A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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