A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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