A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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