A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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