A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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