A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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