A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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