A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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