A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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