A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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