A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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