A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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