A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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