A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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