A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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