A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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