A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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