A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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