A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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