A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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