A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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