A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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