A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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