A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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