A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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