A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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