A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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