A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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