A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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