A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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