A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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