A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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