A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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