A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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