A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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