A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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