A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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