A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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