A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.

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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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