A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split

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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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