A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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