A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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