A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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