A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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