A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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