A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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