A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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