A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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