A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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