A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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