A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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