A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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