A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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