A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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