A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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