A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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