A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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