A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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