A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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