A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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