A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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