A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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