A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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