A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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