A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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