A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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