A seal walks into a club...
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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