A seal walks into a club...
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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