A seal walks into a club...
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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