A seal walks into a club...
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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