A seal walks into a club...



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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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