A seal walks into a club...
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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