A seal walks into a club...



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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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