A seal walks into a club...
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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