A seal walks into a club...
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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