A seal walks into a club...
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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