A seal walks into a club...
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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