A seal walks into a club...
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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