A seal walks into a club...



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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.


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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.

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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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