A seal walks into a club...
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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