A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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