A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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