A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.

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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.

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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.

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