A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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