A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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