A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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