A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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