Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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