And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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