And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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