And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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