Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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