Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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