Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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