Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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