Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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