Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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