Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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