Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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