Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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