Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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