Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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