Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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