Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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