Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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