Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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