Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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