Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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