Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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