Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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