Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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