Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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