Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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