Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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