Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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