Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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