Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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