Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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