Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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