Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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