Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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