Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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