Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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