Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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