Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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