Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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