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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
"Feel the World."
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"
Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?
Snow White Supremacist.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?
Fast food.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A dino-sewer.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
OH SNaP!
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Went to the paper shop -
it had blown away.
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