Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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