Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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