Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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