Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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