Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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