Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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