Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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