Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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