Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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