Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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