Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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