Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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