Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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