Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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