Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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