Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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