Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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