Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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