Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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