Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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