Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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