Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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