Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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