Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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