Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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