Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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