Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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