Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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