Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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