Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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