Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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