Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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