Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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