Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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