Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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