Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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