Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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