Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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