Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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