Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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