Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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