Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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