Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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