Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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