Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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