Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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