Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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