Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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