Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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