Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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