Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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