Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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