Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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