Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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