Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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