Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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