Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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