Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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