Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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