Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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