Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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