Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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