Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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