Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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