Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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