Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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