Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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