Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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