Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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