Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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