Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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