Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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