Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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