Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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