Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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