Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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