Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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