Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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