Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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