Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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