"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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