"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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