"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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