"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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