"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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