"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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