"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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