El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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