El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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