El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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