El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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