El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.

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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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