Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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