Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine

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