Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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