Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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