H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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