H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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