H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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