H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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