H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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