H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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