H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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