H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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