H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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