H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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