H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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