H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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