H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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