Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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