Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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