Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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