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Have you heard the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?
Thorium.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.
With a tuba glue.
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What did the dog say to the flea?
Stop bugging me
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",
he said, "Those are pickled onions".
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then
*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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