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Have you heard the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?
Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.
She was wearing massive gloves.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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What kind of band can't play music?
A rubber band.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
There was an empty seat.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?
A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?
Donald Trump.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?
I scream!
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