Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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