Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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