Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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