Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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