Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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