Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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