Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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