Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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