Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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