Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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