Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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