Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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