Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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