Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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