Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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