Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!

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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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