Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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