Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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