Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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