Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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