Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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