Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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