Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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