Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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