Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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