Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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