Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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