Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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