Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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