Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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