Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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