Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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