Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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