How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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