How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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