How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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