How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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