How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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