How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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I donít play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

Iím just doing it for kicks.
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