How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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