How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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