How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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