How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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