How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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