How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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