How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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