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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?
By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?
"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!
If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"
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What did one egg say to the other egg?
Let's get crackin'!
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What's green and loud?
A froghorn.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?
None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?
Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.
It’s Hans free.
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