How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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