How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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