How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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