How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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