How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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