How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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