How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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