How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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