How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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