How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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