How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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