How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva


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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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