How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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