How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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