How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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