How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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