How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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