How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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