How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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