How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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