How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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