How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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