How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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