How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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