How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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