How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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