How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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