How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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