How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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