How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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