How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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