How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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