How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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