How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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