How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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