How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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