How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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