How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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