How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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