How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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