How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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