How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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