How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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