How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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